1 00:00:02,105 --> 00:00:03,072 [snoring] 2 00:00:03,106 --> 00:00:04,556 [banging] 3 00:00:04,590 --> 00:00:06,282 Tony, did you hear that? 4 00:00:06,316 --> 00:00:07,352 Huh? 5 00:00:07,386 --> 00:00:08,318 Did you hear that? 6 00:00:08,353 --> 00:00:09,388 Hmm? 7 00:00:09,423 --> 00:00:12,564 Oh, girl, go back to sleep, it's late. 8 00:00:12,598 --> 00:00:14,117 Unless you want some of that thang. 9 00:00:14,152 --> 00:00:15,601 No, Tony, I'm serious, 10 00:00:15,636 --> 00:00:17,569 I think I heard somebody downstairs. 11 00:00:17,603 --> 00:00:18,984 Should I-- should I call the police? 12 00:00:19,019 --> 00:00:20,330 Girl, we live in a white neighborhood. 13 00:00:20,365 --> 00:00:21,745 You call the police, they're gonna come arrest us. 14 00:00:23,713 --> 00:00:25,232 Relax, man, I'm sure it was nothing. 15 00:00:25,266 --> 00:00:26,647 I'll check it out in the morning. 16 00:00:26,681 --> 00:00:28,994 What if somebody is in our house, Tony? 17 00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:30,996 Well, then tell them to be quiet so I can get back to sleep. 18 00:00:33,550 --> 00:00:36,519 [crashing] 19 00:00:36,553 --> 00:00:37,796 I think there's somebody downstairs! 20 00:00:37,830 --> 00:00:38,900 Do something. 21 00:00:38,935 --> 00:00:41,558 Oh, oh, right, right, yeah, yeah, all right. 22 00:00:41,593 --> 00:00:43,284 I'll go check it out, you stay here, you stay here. 23 00:00:43,319 --> 00:00:45,700 No, unh-unh, I'm not staying in this room by myself. 24 00:00:45,735 --> 00:00:46,667 Come on. 25 00:00:46,701 --> 00:00:48,255 [rustling] 26 00:01:05,272 --> 00:01:07,481 If anybody is down here, you about to get blown away. 27 00:01:07,515 --> 00:01:08,516 That's right. 28 00:01:08,551 --> 00:01:10,691 Don't make me plug this in! 29 00:01:10,725 --> 00:01:11,864 Girl, don't let 'em know it ain't plugged in. 30 00:01:13,659 --> 00:01:15,385 Tony, the door is open! 31 00:01:15,420 --> 00:01:17,146 Oh, damn. 32 00:01:17,180 --> 00:01:18,871 Somebody was up in here. 33 00:01:18,906 --> 00:01:21,288 At least they didn't take nothing. 34 00:01:21,322 --> 00:01:22,496 Except the TV. 35 00:01:22,530 --> 00:01:24,049 Aw, hell no, not the TV! 36 00:01:25,947 --> 00:01:27,535 Let me turn on the news and see if there's been any reports-- 37 00:01:27,570 --> 00:01:29,882 Aw, damn! 38 00:01:29,917 --> 00:01:31,505 How they gonna leave the remote! 39 00:01:32,678 --> 00:01:34,232 ♪ Woke up and my wife said to me ♪ 40 00:01:34,266 --> 00:01:36,579 ♪ The bill collector's want their fee ♪ 41 00:01:36,613 --> 00:01:39,099 ♪ Kids keep talking back to me ♪ 42 00:01:39,133 --> 00:01:41,031 ♪ Family Time 43 00:01:41,066 --> 00:01:42,067 ♪ Family Time 44 00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:44,242 ♪ Family Time 45 00:01:55,287 --> 00:01:56,840 What a lovely turn-out 46 00:01:56,875 --> 00:01:59,533 for our first neighborhood watch meeting. 47 00:01:59,567 --> 00:02:01,466 You know, I wouldjust like to take a moment 48 00:02:01,500 --> 00:02:04,020 to thank Tony and Lisa Stallworth 49 00:02:04,054 --> 00:02:06,126 for letting us use their lovely home. 50 00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:09,715 Yes, AKA, the scene of the crime, um-hmm. 51 00:02:09,750 --> 00:02:11,200 My TV! 52 00:02:11,234 --> 00:02:13,271 Oh, Tony, yes. 53 00:02:13,305 --> 00:02:15,756 Yes, it was tragic to hear of your missing television. 54 00:02:15,790 --> 00:02:18,621 You know, I for one will not rest until there are 55 00:02:18,655 --> 00:02:22,935 no more missing televisions in this neighborhood. 56 00:02:22,970 --> 00:02:25,352 Right? Absolutely. 57 00:02:25,386 --> 00:02:28,251 Okay, so for our final order of business, oh... 58 00:02:28,286 --> 00:02:29,425 [Tony snoring] 59 00:02:29,459 --> 00:02:31,979 we need to elect a neighborhood watch president. 60 00:02:32,013 --> 00:02:33,222 Any volunteers? 61 00:02:34,533 --> 00:02:35,914 [snoring] 62 00:02:35,948 --> 00:02:36,949 [yawning] 63 00:02:36,984 --> 00:02:38,710 Thank you, Tony! 64 00:02:38,744 --> 00:02:41,402 Yes, yeah, abs--, well... 65 00:02:41,437 --> 00:02:43,024 All in favor? 66 00:02:43,059 --> 00:02:44,474 Aye. 67 00:02:44,509 --> 00:02:45,993 [all] Aye. 68 00:02:46,027 --> 00:02:47,546 What the hell? 69 00:02:47,581 --> 00:02:49,169 All opposed? 70 00:02:49,203 --> 00:02:52,068 Are you always a jokester? 71 00:02:52,102 --> 00:02:53,242 No, it's settled, it's settled. 72 00:02:53,276 --> 00:02:56,072 You are the new neighborhood watch president. 73 00:02:56,106 --> 00:02:57,522 Meeting adjourned. 74 00:02:57,556 --> 00:02:59,558 Thank you so much for coming. 75 00:02:59,593 --> 00:03:01,905 Thank you, I really appreciate it. 76 00:03:01,940 --> 00:03:03,183 You guys get home safe. 77 00:03:03,217 --> 00:03:04,632 [woman] Thank you, thank you. 78 00:03:04,667 --> 00:03:06,807 Have a great night. 79 00:03:06,841 --> 00:03:11,018 Tony, thank you so much for stepping up to be president. 80 00:03:11,052 --> 00:03:12,502 But, um... 81 00:03:12,537 --> 00:03:14,987 But it is a huge responsibility, I know, I know, 82 00:03:15,022 --> 00:03:16,920 not to mention a huge time-commitment. 83 00:03:16,955 --> 00:03:18,301 Yeah, but-- 84 00:03:18,336 --> 00:03:21,615 But after last night, Tony is, you know, he realizes 85 00:03:21,649 --> 00:03:23,548 the importance of this neighborhood watch group. 86 00:03:23,582 --> 00:03:26,344 And he is-- he's so happy to help out 87 00:03:26,378 --> 00:03:28,415 in any way that he possibly can. 88 00:03:28,449 --> 00:03:30,348 Well, I for one, will sleep sounder 89 00:03:30,382 --> 00:03:32,591 knowing that big Tony is watching over us. 90 00:03:32,626 --> 00:03:33,627 Oh, thank you so much. 91 00:03:33,661 --> 00:03:35,007 Of course, mwah. 92 00:03:35,042 --> 00:03:37,078 Mr. President, you sleep well. 93 00:03:37,113 --> 00:03:38,977 Thank you, Cheryl.Bye-bye, all! 94 00:03:39,011 --> 00:03:40,358 Bye.See you later! 95 00:03:40,392 --> 00:03:42,083 Be safe. 96 00:03:42,118 --> 00:03:43,740 I'll try. 97 00:03:43,775 --> 00:03:45,155 [door closing] 98 00:03:45,190 --> 00:03:46,709 That's messed up. 99 00:03:46,743 --> 00:03:48,124 I can't believe you volunteered me 100 00:03:48,158 --> 00:03:49,781 to be president of the neighborhood watch. 101 00:03:49,815 --> 00:03:51,886 I didn't, you did. 102 00:03:51,921 --> 00:03:54,026 You should've stayed awake. 103 00:03:54,061 --> 00:03:56,166 and besides, it's a good thing. 104 00:03:56,201 --> 00:03:57,823 You know, we were lucky that they were gone 105 00:03:57,858 --> 00:03:59,687 when we came downstairs. 106 00:03:59,722 --> 00:04:02,587 83-year-old Mrs. Lewis walked in on her burglars. 107 00:04:02,621 --> 00:04:05,141 I know, that burglar lucky he made it out alive. 108 00:04:05,175 --> 00:04:08,040 It's common knowledge that black women over 80 have no fear. 109 00:04:08,075 --> 00:04:10,698 How are you gonna scare somebody that looked slavery in the face? 110 00:04:10,733 --> 00:04:13,908 She's 83, Tony, not 183, fool. 111 00:04:13,943 --> 00:04:15,772 It's hard to run out of the house with stolen merchandise 112 00:04:15,807 --> 00:04:17,705 while somebody's beating your ass with a switch. 113 00:04:17,740 --> 00:04:20,536 [mimicking elderly woman] Boy, didn't I tell you about all that breaking and entering. 114 00:04:20,570 --> 00:04:22,538 Move your hand, move your hand, move your hand... 115 00:04:22,572 --> 00:04:24,298 You stupid! 116 00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:31,823 $6,000 for a security system? 117 00:04:31,857 --> 00:04:35,585 It would cost me less to get robbed, bye! 118 00:04:35,620 --> 00:04:36,966 Wow. 119 00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:38,692 Sounds like they're the ones doing the robbing. 120 00:04:38,726 --> 00:04:40,487 We'd be better off getting a dog. 121 00:04:40,521 --> 00:04:42,489 Tony, we need to talk about something. 122 00:04:42,523 --> 00:04:45,285 Oh, if this is about last night, that's my bad. 123 00:04:45,319 --> 00:04:46,320 I should've warned you that I was 124 00:04:46,355 --> 00:04:48,702 up to chapter six in the andquot;Kama Sutra 125 00:04:48,736 --> 00:04:50,738 Don't worry, I'll give you time to warm up and stretch tonight. 126 00:04:50,773 --> 00:04:52,533 [chuckling] 127 00:04:52,568 --> 00:04:54,949 Not that, silly. 128 00:04:54,984 --> 00:04:57,193 We need to do some estate planning. 129 00:04:57,227 --> 00:04:59,091 Neither one of us has a will. 130 00:04:59,126 --> 00:05:00,161 Why, is there something you ain't telling me? 131 00:05:00,196 --> 00:05:01,370 Are you okay? 132 00:05:01,404 --> 00:05:02,957 Wait, wait, am I okay, did the doctor call? 133 00:05:02,992 --> 00:05:05,305 No, we are fine... for now. 134 00:05:05,339 --> 00:05:08,446 But this whole break-in situation has me thinking 135 00:05:08,480 --> 00:05:10,448 that anything could happen. 136 00:05:10,482 --> 00:05:11,725 I mean, what if you were to choke 137 00:05:11,759 --> 00:05:13,830 on that sandwich right now, what would I do? 138 00:05:13,865 --> 00:05:16,592 Hopefully, the Heimlich maneuver before I choke to death. 139 00:05:16,626 --> 00:05:18,559 You know what I mean. 140 00:05:18,594 --> 00:05:20,699 Well, look, If anything happened to either one of us, 141 00:05:20,734 --> 00:05:22,080 then the surviving spouse and the kids would get everything. 142 00:05:22,114 --> 00:05:23,392 What's to plan? 143 00:05:23,426 --> 00:05:25,877 No, I mean, what if something happened to both of us? 144 00:05:25,911 --> 00:05:29,018 Like. say we were driving and the car just flew off a cliff? 145 00:05:29,052 --> 00:05:31,158 And then it just started toppling over and rolling over 146 00:05:31,192 --> 00:05:32,918 and rolling over and then a bus just came and smashed it 147 00:05:32,953 --> 00:05:34,161 and it burst into flames 148 00:05:34,195 --> 00:05:36,681 and then they couldn't identify our bodies?! 149 00:05:36,715 --> 00:05:40,892 Yeah, we need to stop going to sleep with the TV on, okay? 150 00:05:40,926 --> 00:05:42,031 Ooh, I got a better one. 151 00:05:42,065 --> 00:05:44,827 What if we went to sleep and then we woke up. 152 00:05:44,861 --> 00:05:46,484 We was dead and the autopsy report 153 00:05:46,518 --> 00:05:48,209 proved that we were poisoned? 154 00:05:48,244 --> 00:05:49,625 Then it would be obvious we ate dinner 155 00:05:49,659 --> 00:05:51,212 at your mother's house the night before 156 00:05:51,247 --> 00:05:54,664 and you ate off my plate when she wasn't looking, obvious. 157 00:05:54,699 --> 00:05:57,391 And the he irony is that my mother loves you. 158 00:05:57,426 --> 00:06:00,152 Look, I don't even really wanna think about us not being here. 159 00:06:00,187 --> 00:06:01,430 I know. 160 00:06:01,464 --> 00:06:04,571 And to be honest, I really don't care who gets what. 161 00:06:04,605 --> 00:06:06,538 What concerns me most is who gets the kids. 162 00:06:06,573 --> 00:06:07,574 Hmm. 163 00:06:07,608 --> 00:06:09,299 What happens to them? 164 00:06:09,334 --> 00:06:10,853 Well, one thing's for sure. 165 00:06:10,887 --> 00:06:13,200 They won't be eating dinner at your mama's house. 166 00:06:17,342 --> 00:06:20,656 ♪ 167 00:06:23,831 --> 00:06:25,177 Thinking about the kids? 168 00:06:25,212 --> 00:06:26,420 Yeah. 169 00:06:26,455 --> 00:06:27,939 I called to check up on Devin. 170 00:06:27,973 --> 00:06:29,216 He said he's having so much fun at Marty's, 171 00:06:29,250 --> 00:06:30,424 he wants to move out. 172 00:06:30,459 --> 00:06:32,322 That's half the problem solved. 173 00:06:32,357 --> 00:06:34,808 Well, at least Ebony called to say hi. 174 00:06:34,842 --> 00:06:36,223 Did she ask about her old man? 175 00:06:36,257 --> 00:06:39,468 No, she said hi and hung up. 176 00:06:39,502 --> 00:06:41,193 Really hung up. 177 00:06:41,228 --> 00:06:43,230 Wow, this whole estate planning thing 178 00:06:43,264 --> 00:06:45,819 kind of has you putting things into perspective, doesn't it? 179 00:06:45,853 --> 00:06:47,648 It sure does. 180 00:06:47,683 --> 00:06:48,684 You know I was thinking. 181 00:06:48,718 --> 00:06:50,858 If anything ever does happen to us, 182 00:06:50,893 --> 00:06:53,136 the kids should just go stay with my parents. 183 00:06:53,171 --> 00:06:56,864 Yeah, well, you know, that's one option, honey, but, I mean, 184 00:06:56,899 --> 00:06:59,798 the school is actually closer to where my parents live, 185 00:06:59,833 --> 00:07:03,077 so I think that might be the best choice for the children. 186 00:07:03,112 --> 00:07:04,458 That wouldn't really be an issue. 187 00:07:04,493 --> 00:07:06,218 The kids would inherit the house so 188 00:07:06,253 --> 00:07:07,806 my parents could just move in here. 189 00:07:07,841 --> 00:07:10,153 Besides, my parents have the same last name as our kids. 190 00:07:10,188 --> 00:07:11,638 Yours don't. 191 00:07:11,672 --> 00:07:13,985 What's that got to do with anything? 192 00:07:14,019 --> 00:07:15,952 And besides-- no, your mother is too bossy. 193 00:07:15,987 --> 00:07:17,609 She would drive the kids crazy. 194 00:07:17,644 --> 00:07:20,025 Your daddy's too stuffy, he'd bore 'em to death. 195 00:07:20,060 --> 00:07:21,026 Don't talk about my daddy. 196 00:07:21,061 --> 00:07:21,993 Don't talk about my mama. 197 00:07:23,581 --> 00:07:24,892 Lisa, this is stupid. 198 00:07:24,927 --> 00:07:27,930 We're arguing over a hypothetical situation. 199 00:07:27,964 --> 00:07:30,726 Yeah, you're right, you're right. 200 00:07:30,760 --> 00:07:32,244 Besides, it only makes sense that the kids 201 00:07:32,279 --> 00:07:35,006 could go and stay with Todd and Vivian. 202 00:07:35,040 --> 00:07:36,145 And they can just move in here. 203 00:07:36,179 --> 00:07:39,217 Your brother and sister-in-law are too bougie. 204 00:07:39,251 --> 00:07:41,357 The kids would grow up with misplaced values. 205 00:07:41,391 --> 00:07:42,945 And besides, Rachel or Lori 206 00:07:42,979 --> 00:07:44,809 could move in here just as easily. 207 00:07:44,843 --> 00:07:47,743 Your sister be giving her opinion when it's not asked for. 208 00:07:47,777 --> 00:07:48,847 Which one? 209 00:07:48,882 --> 00:07:50,573 Both of them. 210 00:07:50,608 --> 00:07:53,231 Look, we can go back and forth on this all day, 211 00:07:53,265 --> 00:07:55,785 but the logical choice is still my parents. 212 00:07:55,820 --> 00:07:57,407 Your dad has no backbone. 213 00:07:57,442 --> 00:07:59,099 Okay, Devin would grow up letting women 214 00:07:59,133 --> 00:08:00,721 just run all over him. 215 00:08:00,756 --> 00:08:01,895 What? 216 00:08:01,929 --> 00:08:02,896 My parents have been married 40 years. 217 00:08:02,930 --> 00:08:04,967 He must be doing something right. 218 00:08:05,001 --> 00:08:06,831 Besides, your mama's so fake... 219 00:08:06,865 --> 00:08:08,798 My mama's so fake, what? 220 00:08:08,833 --> 00:08:10,593 That's it. 221 00:08:10,628 --> 00:08:13,044 You know what, whatever, let's stop talking about this. 222 00:08:13,078 --> 00:08:14,804 This is what we're gonna do, okay? 223 00:08:14,839 --> 00:08:19,395 Let's make a list of all the pros and cons 224 00:08:19,429 --> 00:08:22,536 and then invite everybody over for a barbecue tomorrow. 225 00:08:22,571 --> 00:08:25,332 That way we could, we could screen everybody 226 00:08:25,366 --> 00:08:27,645 and see who would be the best legal guardian for the kids. 227 00:08:27,679 --> 00:08:29,474 Ah, I see, like a group interview 228 00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:30,786 without them knowing it. 229 00:08:30,820 --> 00:08:33,305 Girl, you so smart, that's why I married you. 230 00:08:33,340 --> 00:08:35,100 Wait a minute, who's gonna pay to feed all them-- 231 00:08:35,135 --> 00:08:37,206 Nice people? 232 00:08:37,240 --> 00:08:38,794 They're family, Tony. 233 00:08:38,828 --> 00:08:40,658 [grunting] I know, I know. 234 00:08:46,215 --> 00:08:49,805 Hey, Lis! 235 00:08:49,839 --> 00:08:51,151 Tony, what is all this? 236 00:08:51,185 --> 00:08:52,152 Oh, you know, when I get involved in something, 237 00:08:52,186 --> 00:08:53,394 I'm all in. 238 00:08:53,429 --> 00:08:54,982 So as president of the neighborhood watch, 239 00:08:55,017 --> 00:08:57,191 I was out putting signs on everybody's front yard. 240 00:08:57,226 --> 00:08:59,262 Okay, that's great, but did you get the charcoal? 241 00:08:59,297 --> 00:09:00,747 Oh, man, I forgot. 242 00:09:00,781 --> 00:09:03,404 I'll go back right now-- oh, oh, here's what I just saw. 243 00:09:03,439 --> 00:09:05,165 83-year-old Miss Lewis and old-ass Mr. Davenport 244 00:09:05,199 --> 00:09:07,339 knocking boots. 245 00:09:07,374 --> 00:09:08,962 Knocking boots? 246 00:09:08,996 --> 00:09:10,964 Unh-unh, nobody says that anymore, 247 00:09:10,998 --> 00:09:12,137 that phrase is andquot;hell old 248 00:09:12,172 --> 00:09:15,416 Yeah, so are they. 249 00:09:15,451 --> 00:09:17,522 They didn't even bother closing the blinds or nothing. 250 00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:19,455 I ain't seen that much sagging skin since Paula Deen. 251 00:09:21,250 --> 00:09:23,217 Ain't nobody robbing that house again. 252 00:09:23,252 --> 00:09:24,425 Umm, oh, guess what else I saw? 253 00:09:24,460 --> 00:09:25,772 You know, Mr. Evans? 254 00:09:25,806 --> 00:09:28,257 Lettuce ain't the only thing growing in that greenhouse. 255 00:09:28,291 --> 00:09:29,569 Tony, you been over there 256 00:09:29,603 --> 00:09:32,433 patrolling, snooping or... [inhaling] sniffing. 257 00:09:32,468 --> 00:09:35,402 I'm just keeping my ear to the streets. 258 00:09:35,436 --> 00:09:36,783 You know, how the president knows 259 00:09:36,817 --> 00:09:38,129 what's going on in the White house? 260 00:09:38,163 --> 00:09:40,372 Yeah, well, what's happening in this Black House 261 00:09:40,407 --> 00:09:42,029 is that we have company on the way 262 00:09:42,064 --> 00:09:45,101 and no charcoal for our inaugural barbecue. 263 00:09:45,136 --> 00:09:47,725 Oh, that was good, that was good, Black House, White House. 264 00:09:47,759 --> 00:09:49,761 Girl, you missed your calling as a comedian, 'cause you-- 265 00:09:49,796 --> 00:09:50,797 I'll go get the charcoal. 266 00:09:50,831 --> 00:09:51,867 Yeah. 267 00:09:57,873 --> 00:09:58,908 Tony?Hmm. 268 00:09:58,943 --> 00:10:01,117 I just want to thank you and Lisa 269 00:10:01,152 --> 00:10:03,672 for having us all over for dinner today. 270 00:10:03,706 --> 00:10:07,952 Oh, family gatherings are just so important. 271 00:10:07,986 --> 00:10:10,230 How important is family to you, Mom? 272 00:10:10,264 --> 00:10:12,059 Oh, very. 273 00:10:12,094 --> 00:10:13,820 Without family, 274 00:10:13,854 --> 00:10:17,375 you have no sense of who you are in the world. 275 00:10:17,409 --> 00:10:18,721 So how about you, Mama? 276 00:10:18,756 --> 00:10:20,689 How important is family to you? 277 00:10:20,723 --> 00:10:25,417 If I had to choose between a family reunion and a root canal, 278 00:10:25,452 --> 00:10:29,249 slap on the mask and turn up the gas. 279 00:10:29,283 --> 00:10:30,837 You don't really feel that way, do you, Mom? 280 00:10:30,871 --> 00:10:31,907 Oh, but I do. 281 00:10:31,941 --> 00:10:33,874 Oh, of course she feels that way. 282 00:10:33,909 --> 00:10:35,842 Tony, of course she does. 283 00:10:35,876 --> 00:10:38,189 Uh, Aunt Vivian, what about you? 284 00:10:38,223 --> 00:10:39,259 How do you feel about kids? 285 00:10:39,293 --> 00:10:41,571 OH, um... wow, there is a reason 286 00:10:41,606 --> 00:10:43,746 that Todd and I don't have children. 287 00:10:43,781 --> 00:10:44,954 You're just gonna put Todd on blast 288 00:10:44,989 --> 00:10:46,300 like that in front of everybody? 289 00:10:46,335 --> 00:10:48,095 Oh, it's got nothing to do with Todd. 290 00:10:48,130 --> 00:10:51,547 His swimmer's are at an Olympic level, no, um... 291 00:10:51,581 --> 00:10:53,204 I'm just not good with children. 292 00:10:53,238 --> 00:10:55,171 If I'm around them for longer than an hour, 293 00:10:55,206 --> 00:10:57,173 I just break out I hives. 294 00:10:57,208 --> 00:10:59,935 Now children, that's another story. 295 00:10:59,969 --> 00:11:04,387 There is nothing more important on this earth than a child. 296 00:11:04,422 --> 00:11:07,252 Hmm, hmm, I heard that, you can say that again. 297 00:11:07,287 --> 00:11:08,529 Nothing... 298 00:11:08,564 --> 00:11:11,671 More important on this earth than a child. 299 00:11:11,705 --> 00:11:12,913 Those were her exact words. 300 00:11:12,948 --> 00:11:15,260 [whispering] Nothing! 301 00:11:15,295 --> 00:11:17,504 Hmm, well, my mother, she absolutely 302 00:11:17,538 --> 00:11:19,402 adores children, don't you, Mom? 303 00:11:19,437 --> 00:11:21,059 Don't you just love children? 304 00:11:21,094 --> 00:11:22,578 Of course, I do. 305 00:11:22,612 --> 00:11:26,409 Especially now that you're all grown and out of the house. 306 00:11:26,444 --> 00:11:28,135 What? 307 00:11:28,170 --> 00:11:30,344 I never knew you felt that way. 308 00:11:30,379 --> 00:11:31,552 I can't believe you said that. 309 00:11:31,587 --> 00:11:32,622 I can. 310 00:11:32,657 --> 00:11:34,245 After raising you three? 311 00:11:34,279 --> 00:11:36,316 She done her time. 312 00:11:36,350 --> 00:11:37,593 Well, what about you two? 313 00:11:37,627 --> 00:11:39,008 How do you feel about kids? 314 00:11:39,043 --> 00:11:41,183 No maternal instincts at all? 315 00:11:41,217 --> 00:11:43,081 No time for them. 316 00:11:43,116 --> 00:11:45,221 Did she really just ask me that? 317 00:11:45,256 --> 00:11:47,707 Okay, I'm saying, well, what if it were Devin and Ebony? 318 00:11:47,741 --> 00:11:50,157 Who? Are you really gonna ask me that? 319 00:11:50,192 --> 00:11:51,469 Your grandkids, Mom. 320 00:11:51,503 --> 00:11:53,885 Oh, Devin and Ebony, I'm sorry. 321 00:11:57,130 --> 00:11:59,684 No, like I said, with family, 322 00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:03,584 it just gives you a sense of who you are in the world. 323 00:12:03,619 --> 00:12:05,794 But they just take up so much of your damn time. 324 00:12:05,828 --> 00:12:07,865 Mmm, preach. 325 00:12:07,899 --> 00:12:11,109 I need to go check on the meat outside. 326 00:12:11,144 --> 00:12:12,628 Um, yeah, but, excuse us. 327 00:12:21,119 --> 00:12:22,500 How's everything, gentlemen? 328 00:12:22,534 --> 00:12:26,504 I was just telling everyone about your first beer, son. 329 00:12:26,538 --> 00:12:29,783 Oh, yeah, I must have been, what, 22, 21? 330 00:12:29,818 --> 00:12:31,889 Try 14. 331 00:12:31,923 --> 00:12:33,407 It was at Christmastime. 332 00:12:33,442 --> 00:12:36,031 You two kept begging me for one so I gave you one. 333 00:12:36,065 --> 00:12:38,930 And you threw up all night. 334 00:12:38,965 --> 00:12:40,621 It was disgusting. 335 00:12:40,656 --> 00:12:42,485 The throwing up, not the beer. 336 00:12:42,520 --> 00:12:43,866 I liked it though. 337 00:12:43,901 --> 00:12:47,905 The beer, not the throwing up. 338 00:12:47,939 --> 00:12:50,010 Well, as a judge, 339 00:12:50,045 --> 00:12:54,601 I can't tell you how many young black men 340 00:12:54,635 --> 00:12:58,363 I've had to incarcerate behind the misuse of alcohol. 341 00:12:58,398 --> 00:12:59,951 It's a travesty. 342 00:12:59,986 --> 00:13:03,610 See, that's why Viv and I have decided not to have children. 343 00:13:03,644 --> 00:13:05,301 It's too much responsibility. 344 00:13:05,336 --> 00:13:07,338 And she always gets hives if she's around them 345 00:13:07,372 --> 00:13:10,030 for more than an hour, it's... the weirdest thing. 346 00:13:10,065 --> 00:13:13,862 Yeah, we heard all about it, Michael Phelps. 347 00:13:13,896 --> 00:13:16,450 Well, I feel my greatest achievement 348 00:13:16,485 --> 00:13:19,246 was raising my three daughters. 349 00:13:19,281 --> 00:13:22,111 Aww... thank you, Daddy. 350 00:13:22,146 --> 00:13:24,424 I feel the same way, Carl. 351 00:13:24,458 --> 00:13:26,598 I'm proud of my two boys. 352 00:13:26,633 --> 00:13:28,324 I think I did all right. 353 00:13:28,359 --> 00:13:30,568 Thank you, Father. 354 00:13:30,602 --> 00:13:33,019 And there's no way in hell 355 00:13:33,053 --> 00:13:35,262 you can pay me enough money to do it again. 356 00:13:35,297 --> 00:13:37,092 Ha-ha, not in a million years. 357 00:13:37,126 --> 00:13:40,854 Raising kids after 50 would be like pledging my fraternity. 358 00:13:40,889 --> 00:13:43,270 Going in, you know you're going to get your ass kicked, 359 00:13:43,305 --> 00:13:45,652 But you're glad you did it when you finished. 360 00:13:45,686 --> 00:13:46,756 But you know there's no way in hell 361 00:13:46,791 --> 00:13:48,517 you're ever gonna do it again. 362 00:13:48,551 --> 00:13:50,070 You got that right. 363 00:13:50,105 --> 00:13:53,108 So none of you would ever want to be around children again? 364 00:13:53,142 --> 00:13:54,868 Oh, baby. 365 00:13:54,903 --> 00:13:58,941 All of us here, we all love children. 366 00:13:58,976 --> 00:14:01,357 More or less. 367 00:14:01,392 --> 00:14:03,325 And I can speak for everybody here, 368 00:14:03,359 --> 00:14:07,605 that if we had to raise kids again, would we want to? 369 00:14:07,639 --> 00:14:09,987 [all] Hell, no. 370 00:14:10,021 --> 00:14:11,298 I rest my case. 371 00:14:18,616 --> 00:14:20,066 Baby, baby, baby, relax. 372 00:14:20,100 --> 00:14:21,619 People are gonna start to get suspicious. 373 00:14:21,653 --> 00:14:22,931 Lisa, what's wrong with you? 374 00:14:22,965 --> 00:14:24,001 Yeah, baby, are you okay? 375 00:14:24,035 --> 00:14:25,071 Too late. 376 00:14:25,105 --> 00:14:26,417 I'm fine. 377 00:14:26,451 --> 00:14:27,970 Well, you're not acting fine. 378 00:14:28,005 --> 00:14:30,559 Now Lisa, what is going on? 379 00:14:30,593 --> 00:14:31,836 Are you well? 380 00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:35,322 Well, you do look a little pale, relatively speaking. 381 00:14:35,357 --> 00:14:37,531 Honey, did you go back to Dr. Gibbs? 382 00:14:37,566 --> 00:14:39,568 Are you seeing doctor? 383 00:14:39,602 --> 00:14:40,603 Are you pregnant? 384 00:14:40,638 --> 00:14:42,088 Is it twins, triplets? 385 00:14:42,122 --> 00:14:43,227 [gasping] 386 00:14:43,261 --> 00:14:44,849 I am your mother and I have a right to know. 387 00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:47,438 I am fine, okay, I'm not pregnant, 388 00:14:47,472 --> 00:14:48,715 it was just a check-up, that's it. 389 00:14:48,749 --> 00:14:49,819 Oh. 390 00:14:49,854 --> 00:14:51,580 What's with all the questions about kids? 391 00:14:51,614 --> 00:14:53,996 Are my grand babies all right? 392 00:14:54,031 --> 00:14:58,345 Yeah-- as a matter of fact, where are Devin and Ebony? 393 00:14:58,380 --> 00:15:00,520 Look, the kids are fine, okay? 394 00:15:00,554 --> 00:15:02,556 What has gotten into you, Lisa. 395 00:15:02,591 --> 00:15:06,284 Do you expect men of our age to be raising kids again? 396 00:15:06,319 --> 00:15:10,288 Why are you asking them about raising children? 397 00:15:10,323 --> 00:15:12,704 Lisa, look, I know you just said you went 398 00:15:12,739 --> 00:15:15,535 to Dr. Gibbs and he gave you a check-up. 399 00:15:15,569 --> 00:15:18,814 But did he tell you anything else? 400 00:15:18,848 --> 00:15:20,195 You can tell us. 401 00:15:20,229 --> 00:15:24,854 Lisa... what are you not telling us? 402 00:15:24,889 --> 00:15:27,547 Mom, stop it, don't cry, don't cry, okay, just, listen. 403 00:15:27,581 --> 00:15:29,618 Tony and I just decided to do 404 00:15:29,652 --> 00:15:32,207 a little bit of estate planning, that's all. 405 00:15:32,241 --> 00:15:34,934 Oh, no, my baby's gonna die! 406 00:15:36,142 --> 00:15:39,041 I have not had enough time with you. 407 00:15:39,076 --> 00:15:40,560 Nobody's going to die! 408 00:15:40,594 --> 00:15:42,803 Come on, stop lying. 409 00:15:42,838 --> 00:15:44,288 I'm not gonna die. 410 00:15:44,322 --> 00:15:45,910 You're not?No. 411 00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:47,567 Oh.Gosh. 412 00:15:47,601 --> 00:15:48,913 You scared me to death. 413 00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:50,673 Dry your eyes.Oh. 414 00:15:50,708 --> 00:15:53,124 No, you scared yourself half to death. 415 00:15:53,159 --> 00:15:55,126 Lisa didn't say anything about dying. 416 00:15:55,161 --> 00:15:58,164 Well, she gave me plenty to infer from. 417 00:15:58,198 --> 00:16:02,789 I can't help it if I'm a critical thinker. 418 00:16:02,823 --> 00:16:05,550 I'm just glad it wasn't my Tony. 419 00:16:05,585 --> 00:16:06,896 What about the rest of us? 420 00:16:06,931 --> 00:16:11,315 I'm sure you're glad it wasn't Tony too. 421 00:16:11,349 --> 00:16:13,696 Lisa and I decided to do some estate planning 422 00:16:13,731 --> 00:16:15,008 just so that we're prepared 423 00:16:15,043 --> 00:16:16,389 in the case that something happens to us. 424 00:16:16,423 --> 00:16:19,357 Yes, and to be honest, we're not convinced 425 00:16:19,392 --> 00:16:21,497 that any of you have what it takes to raise our children. 426 00:16:21,532 --> 00:16:23,120 Excuse me? 427 00:16:23,154 --> 00:16:24,742 I hear the foster care system 428 00:16:24,776 --> 00:16:26,986 has made strides in recent years. 429 00:16:27,020 --> 00:16:29,989 Don't be silly, Vivian. 430 00:16:30,023 --> 00:16:31,991 If anything happens to you two, 431 00:16:32,025 --> 00:16:35,718 Darius and I, obviously 432 00:16:35,753 --> 00:16:38,583 will take custody of the children. 433 00:16:38,618 --> 00:16:40,240 Obviously? 434 00:16:40,275 --> 00:16:43,830 Whoa, there's a couple more grandparents here in this room. 435 00:16:43,864 --> 00:16:45,970 And Aunties, I'll have you all know 436 00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:50,457 this is a Parcheesi from Ligi... bag right here? 437 00:16:50,492 --> 00:16:52,735 I am well equipped and so is Rachel 438 00:16:52,770 --> 00:16:55,324 to take care of your two children. 439 00:16:55,359 --> 00:16:58,879 Um-hmm, okay, first of all, this is a knock-off, so knock it off. 440 00:16:58,914 --> 00:17:00,088 Unh-oh! 441 00:17:00,122 --> 00:17:01,744 Second of all, I'm not into kids like that, 442 00:17:01,779 --> 00:17:03,194 okay, they eat a lot... 443 00:17:03,229 --> 00:17:04,230 You are a kid! 444 00:17:04,264 --> 00:17:06,232 [all shouting] 445 00:17:07,819 --> 00:17:11,271 Please, calm down, please, I have something I have to say! 446 00:17:11,306 --> 00:17:14,619 Okay, I know that each and every one of you 447 00:17:14,654 --> 00:17:16,104 love Devin and Ebony, okay? 448 00:17:16,138 --> 00:17:17,795 And that if necessary, 449 00:17:17,829 --> 00:17:20,763 each and every one of you would be there for them. 450 00:17:20,798 --> 00:17:22,800 Tony and I, we know that, right? 451 00:17:22,834 --> 00:17:24,767 Yeah, so don't take it personal if you're not the ones 452 00:17:24,802 --> 00:17:27,080 that we choose to put on the estate as a legal guardian, 453 00:17:27,115 --> 00:17:28,461 it's just a formality. 454 00:17:28,495 --> 00:17:32,361 We know it takes a village and you're all our village, huh? 455 00:17:32,396 --> 00:17:35,054 Or are we the the village idiots? 456 00:17:35,088 --> 00:17:37,642 I found your little pros and cons list in the trash. 457 00:17:37,677 --> 00:17:39,023 Oh. 458 00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:41,646 So, does anybody want to hear what Anthony and Lisa 459 00:17:41,681 --> 00:17:43,338 really think about us? 460 00:17:43,372 --> 00:17:45,305 Don't do that, please... 461 00:17:45,340 --> 00:17:47,307 [all talking at once] 462 00:18:03,185 --> 00:18:06,292 Okay, okay, hey, hey, hey, all right now, hey, listen. 463 00:18:06,326 --> 00:18:08,017 This is my house, all that yelling, y'all relax, 464 00:18:08,052 --> 00:18:10,227 please, go sit down, please, pretty please. 465 00:18:10,261 --> 00:18:11,262 All right? 466 00:18:11,297 --> 00:18:12,746 I wanna know the cons. 467 00:18:12,781 --> 00:18:15,611 I get you, just sit down, okay and we'll straight all this out. 468 00:18:15,646 --> 00:18:16,888 Now brother, give me that. 469 00:18:16,923 --> 00:18:18,890 Not so fast, little brother. 470 00:18:18,925 --> 00:18:19,960 I think everybody should know 471 00:18:19,995 --> 00:18:21,238 exactly what you two think of us. 472 00:18:21,272 --> 00:18:22,722 Now, you don't have to do that, Todd. 473 00:18:22,756 --> 00:18:25,276 Oh, I think I do. 474 00:18:25,311 --> 00:18:26,381 Let's see. 475 00:18:26,415 --> 00:18:29,522 Mom, you're too bossy. 476 00:18:29,556 --> 00:18:32,490 You'd drive the kids crazy. 477 00:18:32,525 --> 00:18:36,460 Judge Calloway, you're too stuffy. 478 00:18:36,494 --> 00:18:38,772 You'd bore them to death. 479 00:18:38,807 --> 00:18:41,258 Dad, apparently, you have no backbone 480 00:18:41,292 --> 00:18:43,191 because you allow mother to run all over you. 481 00:18:43,225 --> 00:18:44,537 Hmm. 482 00:18:44,571 --> 00:18:47,022 Rachel and Lori? 483 00:18:47,056 --> 00:18:48,437 Oui? 484 00:18:48,472 --> 00:18:52,131 You two give your opinions when they're not asked for. 485 00:18:52,165 --> 00:18:53,787 Oh, I think that's ridiculous. 486 00:18:53,822 --> 00:18:55,720 And I think that shirt around your neck looks stupid. 487 00:18:55,755 --> 00:18:57,757 Really stupid. 488 00:18:57,791 --> 00:19:00,932 Vivian, you and I are too bougie. 489 00:19:00,967 --> 00:19:04,281 Being around us they would grow up with misplaced values. 490 00:19:04,315 --> 00:19:06,352 Oh, now, that's true.That's very true. 491 00:19:06,386 --> 00:19:11,598 And you, Mr. Calloway, are faker than a three-dollar bill. 492 00:19:11,633 --> 00:19:13,497 Are you calling me fake? 493 00:19:13,531 --> 00:19:15,050 I didn't write this list. 494 00:19:15,084 --> 00:19:16,672 Look, we can explain. 495 00:19:16,707 --> 00:19:18,433 Three-dollar bill, really, you wrote that part down? 496 00:19:18,467 --> 00:19:19,503 We can explain. 497 00:19:19,537 --> 00:19:21,470 Allow us to, please, if you don't mind. 498 00:19:21,505 --> 00:19:23,162 No need, we'll see ourselves out. 499 00:19:23,196 --> 00:19:24,784 No, no, let them explain. 500 00:19:24,818 --> 00:19:26,993 No-no-no, we owe you an apology, okay? 501 00:19:27,027 --> 00:19:28,339 All right, now. 502 00:19:28,374 --> 00:19:30,341 The reason why Lisa wrote that list-- 503 00:19:30,376 --> 00:19:31,411 Tony? 504 00:19:31,446 --> 00:19:32,585 Oh, I'm sorry, you're right, 505 00:19:32,619 --> 00:19:34,034 we were supposed to keep that between us. 506 00:19:34,069 --> 00:19:36,761 The reason why we, wink-wink, wrote that list is because-- 507 00:19:36,796 --> 00:19:40,489 I don't know how you could let your wife 508 00:19:40,524 --> 00:19:45,770 say those terrible things about me. 509 00:19:45,805 --> 00:19:49,188 If anybody's feelings were hurt, we sincerely apologize. 510 00:19:49,222 --> 00:19:51,155 Son, I-- 511 00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:52,743 Darius, let's go. 512 00:19:52,777 --> 00:19:54,089 Yes, dear. 513 00:19:54,123 --> 00:19:55,159 Well, I'm right behind you 514 00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:57,437 'cause I got a -- at the house anyway. 515 00:19:57,472 --> 00:20:01,407 Lisa, you've been jealous of me since you were four days, 516 00:20:01,441 --> 00:20:02,787 four months old. 517 00:20:02,822 --> 00:20:05,894 Tony, can I borrow ten dollars, it's happy hour. 518 00:20:05,928 --> 00:20:08,966 If you don't get your little alcoholic self home. 519 00:20:11,900 --> 00:20:14,765 Come on, Donna. 520 00:20:14,799 --> 00:20:16,560 We're leaving, too. 521 00:20:22,738 --> 00:20:25,672 I would say goodbye, but it would probably come off fake. 522 00:20:25,707 --> 00:20:26,846 Mom. 523 00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:29,607 I will not forget this, Lisa. 524 00:20:29,642 --> 00:20:32,023 How dare you. 525 00:20:34,509 --> 00:20:35,579 Mom? 526 00:20:35,613 --> 00:20:36,821 [laughing] 527 00:20:36,856 --> 00:20:38,340 Vivian. 528 00:20:38,375 --> 00:20:40,549 Hmm, and that's my clippity-clap. 529 00:20:45,174 --> 00:20:46,417 Bougie, huh? 530 00:20:46,452 --> 00:20:48,557 Well... if the shoe fits. 531 00:20:49,662 --> 00:20:50,663 That went well. 532 00:20:50,697 --> 00:20:51,767 OH, yeah, I think so. 533 00:20:56,358 --> 00:20:58,326 I had no idea it would be so difficult 534 00:20:58,360 --> 00:21:00,914 choosing a legal guardian for our kids. 535 00:21:00,949 --> 00:21:02,709 Well, I've decided. 536 00:21:02,744 --> 00:21:04,918 I think your parents should be the legal guardians. 537 00:21:04,953 --> 00:21:05,954 What? 538 00:21:05,988 --> 00:21:07,956 Yeah, your daddy's a judge. 539 00:21:07,990 --> 00:21:09,785 I mean, that'll come in handy for Devin down the road. 540 00:21:09,820 --> 00:21:11,131 I was just about to say, 541 00:21:11,166 --> 00:21:13,513 I think your parents should be the legal guardians. 542 00:21:13,548 --> 00:21:14,928 You don't even like my mama. 543 00:21:14,963 --> 00:21:16,344 Ebony is about to be a teenager. 544 00:21:16,378 --> 00:21:17,345 Payback's a bitch. 545 00:21:17,379 --> 00:21:18,380 [chuckling] 546 00:21:18,415 --> 00:21:20,037 Okay, okay, how about this. 547 00:21:20,071 --> 00:21:23,627 How about we make both our parents the legal guardians. 548 00:21:23,661 --> 00:21:26,733 You know what, that is the best idea I've heard all day. 549 00:21:26,768 --> 00:21:29,909 Deal.Deal. 550 00:21:29,943 --> 00:21:34,016 Okay, now that that's settled, Mr. President, 551 00:21:34,051 --> 00:21:35,604 you thinking what I'm thinking? 552 00:21:35,639 --> 00:21:37,330 I'm thinking it's been awful quiet around here 553 00:21:37,365 --> 00:21:39,712 since I was elected president of the neighborhood watch. 554 00:21:39,746 --> 00:21:41,438 It's been two days, Tony. 555 00:21:41,472 --> 00:21:44,233 Well, my first term's off to a good start. 556 00:21:44,268 --> 00:21:47,306 Come here, first lady, help me get sworn in. 557 00:21:52,518 --> 00:21:54,209 Ooh, girl.